In February of 2022, just in time for my 40th Birthday, I’ll be publishing my book Uncovering Intuition: Guidance, Inspiration, and Exercises to Unlock Your Inner wisdom. This book had been building inside of me for a long time and like many people 2020 was the year that life threw me the challenges and opportunities that finally let it rise to the surface. 

Struggling with old narratives: Am I making this up? 

I started telling people I was writing a book years before I had a clear vision of it. Before I had begun outlining and organizing my thoughts, the statement “I’m writing a book” felt oddly true and untrue at the same time.

Some things that made it feel untrue were mostly my challenges. The facts that I am not a professional writer, I have ADHD, I didn’t have time, and that I am by nature a reserved and introverted person swirled around me as silent reminders that the statement “I’m writing a book” may just be untrue.

A very old narrative from my childhood would echo these challenges and chime in  “you are making this up.” The only part that felt true I had absolutely no evidence for and it lay inside of me as a silent knowing. The part of me that just knew I was writing a book would rise to the surface during business meetings or casual conversations pushing me to spontaneously share “I’m writing a book.”

My only evidence of truth was my knowing of what was to come. During this time, I had to make the choice to trust myself and to trust that what was true for me did not need to be evidenced to anyone. One day this old story I was telling myself harped on me again “you’re making this up” and I decided to answer with “Yes! I am making this up, I am making this idea come to life all on it’s own, just watch me!” From then on when I would occasionally whisper to myself "I am writing a book" and it felt more like a silent prayer vibrating out into the Universe. 

In October of 2020 I stumbled across a class hosted by Taji Torrilhon entitled Resilient Story Teller’s. This writing workshop met online from 7:00pm-9:00pm Pacific time, so this meant that I would be awake till midnight attending one night a week and often after a full day of work. Without hesitation I signed up knowing that this was my next step.

It was clear to me that the universe had answered my intention with this opportunity and my vision started to come to life. I realized that I didn’t need to have all of the answers and resolutions to future challenges to begin writing and telling my story, I simply needed to begin. The workshop provided a space for me to believe that I didn’t need to be a professional writer to tell my story. I began working one on one with the Workshop Teacher, mindset coach Taji, and that provided me with the structure and support I needed to manage my ideas as a person with ADHD. Regular check-ins with Taji became a way for me to anchor the process and stay motivated and on task.

I highly recommend a writing coach or setting deadlines for self publishers that struggle with ADHD or organization. 

A clearer vision 

With support, I was able to create a clear vision for my book. A book that would be both practical and mystical and serve as a comprehensive guide to all aspects of living an intuitive life. There were lessons I wanted to teach: how to see auras, interpret your dreams, create an altar, and connect with your spirit guides. I also wanted to give exercises to help the reader to connect to their intuition and allow it to shape their life.

The book would be part intuitive guide, part memoir and I would share my personal journey of breaking down and breaking through and the ways in which intuition has shown up dramatically, helping me to overcome trauma and make my way back to myself. I wanted the book to be for anyone who desired a truer life and greater understanding of their purpose.

Coming Out

During the writing workshop I shared with the group my personal story of coming out as gay to my teenage sons. This experience felt so freeing and helped me to realize that I wanted to share this story with my community as well.

I am naturally a reserved and more introverted person, so interacting with people often feels overwhelming to me. I knew this would be a challenge when writing a book that would include personal information from my life. At the same time there were aspects of myself that I felt compelled to share, and it became clear to me that I could not embark on this journey of writing my book in an authentic way and continue to keep parts of myself hidden. So, after that workshop I made the decision to publicly come out to my community as Gay and share more of myself and my journey.

After coming out, it felt easier and more natural for me to interact with people. Once I had shared this important part of myself it became easier to share everything else. There had been so many times that I’d sat down to write and just felt blocked. It turned out that the feeling of being blocked for me was directly related to having something specific to say, that I’m gay, and not being able to say it. Truth telling is a powerful way to remove blocks and allow everything to fall in place.  

Moving out 

The next part of my journey happened very quickly. I knew that I would want to have my own place eventually, and my ex husband and I had discussed trying to find a place within a mile distance to make life easier for our kids. One day I woke up with fresh motivation and completely overtaken with the idea and began to search for an apartment. I admit that I am still unsure of how exactly things on the internet work but I have no explanation for how I found an apartment so quickly or I should say, how it found me. In my search I got a phone call from a realtor who wanted to show me a place I had never seen before and it was within a mile distance. I still have no idea how this realtor got my information, but  within one week I had signed a lease and moved into my new place. I’m not sure if I would have realized exactly how quickly this all happened had it not been for the fact that I was meeting with a therapist weekly and when I shared with her that I had found a place and already moved in she remarked how incredible it was that only a week before it was merely an idea!

Suddenly I had lots of time and freedom to write since I had my kids with me only every other week. I blocked off those weeks from my work calendar and did almost nothing but write. It seemed that as soon as I made up my mind about something the Universe delivered the person or experience that was needed. The book was manifesting not only in a magical way, but in a way that required all of my time, energy and attention. A true manifestation of what I desired that required me to work for each part of it. 

Next week I’ll share with you how with all of those initial challenges aside, I began to work through the process of uncovering old memories and how I energetically dealt with the writing process and the physical effects it had on me.  I’ll also share how I experienced the processing of trauma as I went backwards in time to recount some of the most difficult moments of my life and pour them onto the pages of my book in order to share the lessons that my intuition has taught me. 

For more on the writing process make sure to subscribe here you’ll also receive a free workbook Affirmations for Intuitive Development and be the first to know when my book is available. 

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